The Five Stages Of Exam Block Grieving

[Cupe]

Here’s an article that gives you exactly what it says on the packet.

1. Denial
I don’t really have that much to do. Exams are still three weeks away and all I have to do is catch up on 13 weeks of lectures for four courses. If I start now that’s just 104 hours of listening time. That’s like, four full days of listening time and I’ve got 21 whole days. That’s so fine. I’m so fine. It’s fine. I’M FINE.

2. Anger
Ok so turns out I can’t actually listen to lectures for 24 hours straight. It’s been four days and I’m up to lecture three. FACK. I hate my degree. What am I doing with my life? Why do I bother with this bullshit when I’m probably just going to graduate, get hired as a “social media manager” somewhere and get paid $21 an hour to post shit on Facebook? There’s no point continuing to study. I’ll just watch Friends for the next two days to de-stress.

3. Bargaining
If I listen to my lectures on double speed, I really only have 50 hours of lectures to listen to. So that means I can take breaks to watch Friends twice as often. I am genius. I’m going to go buy snacks to celebrate.

4. Depression
Even if I listen to lectures non-stop from now until my exam (at double speed), I won’t have time to do them all. I can picture the headlines now: “University student dead after jumping out fourth story window mid-exam”. Why didn’t I start earlier? Why do I suck so much? How did I get so fat in the space of two weeks? Why didn’t I just attend uni throughout the semester like a normal person? If there is a God, let the lecture slides be comprehensive enough to scrape me a pass. I swear, if I pass, I will devote my life to Jesus Christ.

5. Acceptance
Fuck it I’m making meth.
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Words by Josie Harvey. Lead photo by ytsirKGaunt.

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